If you and your partner have been together a minute, you’ve undoubtedly noticed periods in your relationship where you just have nothing to say. It’s normal! All long-term relationships go through it from time to time, but you don’t have to stay in a rut. There are thousands of great conversation starters for couples!
Whether your relationship is old and comfy like a well-worn cap or brand spanking new, this list of conversation starters can help you deepen your bond and produce meaningful discussions. You’ll learn something about each other, and probably even get some good laughs. We’ll cover quirky, strange, deep, and sexy prompts, so no matter where or when you need a good conversation, you can pull up this list and find something appropriate. Let’s go!
Conversation Starters in an Adventure Book
If you’re looking for the best ways to get to know a new potential partner or spice up your current relationship, look no further. Adventures From Scratch: Couples Edition is expertly curated with more than 50 date ideas to deepen your relationship. It contains conversation starters from relationship experts, scratch-off challenges, and “why I love you cards” to help you and your partner cultivate deeper and more meaningful conversations. This little book is priceless!
Why are conversation starters good for a relationship?
You may be thinking that these silly things are totally unnecessary, but in reality, even soulmates run out of things to say sometimes. Our conversation tends to lean towards what happened today, what’s going on at work, or with the kids. While there is nothing wrong with these conversations, you have to have them to function in life, there is nothing particularly bonding about them. If you aren’t careful and don’t nurture your conversation, you’ll wake up one day and realize that you haven’t talked to each other in years, and you don’t really know each other anymore at all. Nobody wants that.
Conversation starters create a game-like setting, helping to bring up difficult topics without the awkward and vulnerable moments. They are phrased in a way to make you think about things that you might not have thought of yourself, and they are often geared to help couples deal with matters that may cause strife or disagreement in your relationship.
When getting to know a new partner, these prompts can help you get the important stuff out of the way to know if you’re a good match or not. Let’s face it, we all have deal-breakers, things we are not willing to compromise on in a partner, and these little questions can help you get to those things before you invest tons of time, feelings, and money on a relationship.
Conversation Starters to Get to Know Each Other Better
This section of conversation topics is great for new couples. They don’t get too personal or deep, but they let you in on the workings of your date’s mind. You’ll learn likes and dislikes, what fires them up and what their passions are. They can serve as a base, then you can move on to bigger, deeper stuff with a bit more ease.
1. What’s your most embarrassing moment from childhood?
2. What has been your best first date?
3. What is your favorite movie and why?
4. What food makes you gag?
5. What food could you eat for every meal?
6. What TV show have you seen multiple times?
7. If you could go back and be anything in the world, what would your dream job be?
8. What’s the craziest thing you have ever done?
9. Do you read all the Amazon reviews, or do you wing it?
10. What are five items you can’t live without?
11. Do you read the instructions, or consider them to be more like corrections?
12. What was your first car and why?
13. What is your favorite memory with your parents or family?
14. What’s one food that reminds you of home?
15. What’s your favorite vacation destination?
16. What would your best friend say is your most endearing trait?
17. Do you have siblings?
18. What reality TV show would you be on?
19. Have you ever dated a really bad kisser?
20. Where was your best first kiss?
21. If ability and finances were not a thing, what hobby would you take up?
22. What is the one article of clothing you can’t go without?
23. If you were trapped on a deserted island, what five things would you take?
24. Are you a sunrise or sunset lover?
25. What’s the worst thing someone can do on a first date with you?
26. What are the top two things on your bucket list?
27. What is your worst habit?
28. What is your best habit?
29. One is your biggest pet peeve?
30. What’s your most treasured possession?
Fun Conversation Starters for Couples
Sometimes you just really need a good laugh. All healthy relationships include a heaping dose of laughter. “Laughter is the best medicine,” right? These fun questions are not everyday conversation pieces for sure. You might feel weird asking them, but you didn’t write the question, so the weird doesn’t fall on you. That’s the perk of the system. Even if you have been with your significant other for fifty years, these off-the-wall questions will surely show you something new about them!
31. How would you survive the zombie apocalypse?
32. Which animal inspires you, and why?
33. Would you rather drink your own urine to survive or drink mine? “Would you rather” questions are great for a laugh and to keep you thinking. Dream up the grossest and weirdest concoctions of things you can think of. This one can keep going all night long.
34. Do you believe in aliens?
35. Do you believe in ghosts?
36. Do you think that Atlantis was real?
37. What’s the best kind of soup?
38. Swiss Cake Rolls or Cosmic Brownies?
39. Who would win in a battle between the Hulk and Mr. Hyde?
40. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
41. If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one around to hear it, does it really make a sound?
42. Do you believe in heaven? What do you think it looks like?
43. If you could design the ultimate predator from traits of real animals, what traits would you give it?
44. Would it be better to be invisible or be able to fly?
45. If your dog could talk, what do you think would be the first thing it said to you.
46. If your bathroom walls could tell me your secrets, what would they say is the weirdest thing you do?
47. What’s your version of hell?
48. If you had all the money for a patent, what’s the one thing you would invent?
49. If your clothing had a superpower or special ability, what would you want it to be?
50. Would it be better to have no feet or no hands?
51. What’s the weirdest thing you have ever brought on a plane?
52. Give me your best pick-up line.
53. What’s the weirdest thing you have ever done while drinking?
54. If you could live underwater or on land, which one would you choose?
55. Is it better to live a long life that’s boring or to do everything you want but die young?
56. Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong time period?
57. What would you do if you walked in on your parents having sex?
58. If you were a stripper, what your stripper name be?
59. If you could live in any fictional world, where would it be and why?
60. If you had a magic box that could bring back a lost item, what item would you bring back?
61. In those first few seconds, are you hoping it’s Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure?
62. Prince or Michael Jackson? Explain your answer.
63. What’s the last thing that you threw up?
64. If you had to replace your right hand with a tool, what would it be?
65. If you had a third eye, where would you want it to be?
Deep Conversation Starters for Couples
Now that your partner knows you’re a complete weirdo, let’s move on. In this section, we’ll offer deep questions you should ask after dating for a few weeks or months. You have gotten to know each other pretty well by now. You still like each other, and you think there might be something here! It’s time to ask some harder questions and see where this thing is really going?
66. What do you believe about spirituality and the afterlife?
67. What’s your love language, or what makes you feel the most loved?
68. What happened in your previous relationship? Why did it fail?
69. What makes you feel disrespected?
70. What’s the one thing in the world that makes you the angriest?
71. What are your beliefs about marriage?
72. Do you want to have children?
73. Where do you want to settle down and live?
74. Do you think marriage is forever, or are there outs?
75. Do you think you would be a better parent to boys or girls?
76. How do you feel about discipline with children?
77. Do you feel that men and women have certain roles in a relationship?
78. What makes you feel insecure in a relationship?
80. What is it about our relationship that you love?
81. What person has been the biggest inspiration in your life?
82. What decision do you consider to be your biggest mistake?
83. Have you ever truly hurt someone? What did you do?
84. What’s one thing you would say you did well in past relationships?
85. What’s one painful memory you have from high school?
86. If you could repeat anything for the first time, what would it be?
87. What truly scares you?
88. What is one thing you would never share on social media?
89. Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or extrovert?
90. What family member do you look up to the most?
91. If you could meet one historical figure, who would it be and why?
92. Who has hurt you the most in your life, what did they do?
93. What do you value more in a relationship, comfort or spontaneity?
94. How do you feel about a big wedding?
95. Where do you see this relationship going?
96. How do you deal with confrontation?
97. How will we solve disagreements on major issues in our relationship?
98. How do you feel about couple’s therapy or premarital therapy?
99. When was the last time you felt truly content?
100. What do you think is the meaning of life?
101. Do you think we should share everything with one another or keep some things to ourselves?
102. What’s one thing you hate about the married couples you know?
103. Do you think it’s a good thing for a couple to be best friends?
104. What’s one habit you would like to institute into daily life?
105. What does love mean to you?
Conversation Starters for Long-Term Couples
Sometimes you need to dive deep. In this section, we will tackle the deep conversation starters that can be hard to handle. Beware though, do not ask these questions if you’re not willing to hear the truth! Intimacy takes honesty, so if you’re really looking to deepen your connection with your partner, then you have to be willing to hear the hard stuff and give your partner free rein to be truthful. Always answer with respect and love your SO, but relationships don’t grow without a little stretching, so be honest. If you can’t handle the answer, don’t ask the question. Never attempt to bait your spouse or assume you know what they will say. Expectations can lead to some major fights and disappointments in this game. It’s best to just assume that you have no idea what your spouse will say and be willing to hear it no matter what it is.
106. If there was one thing you could change about our relationship today, what would it be?
107. What’s one thing that I do that gets on your nerves?
108. How am I doing as a partner?
109. Is there anything that I can do in our relationship to make it better for you?
110. What do you think is the greatest strength of our relationship?
111. Who’s marriage or relationship do you look up to and want to be like?
112. What was it that first drew you to me?
113. What is the one thing about me you would miss if I were gone?
114. Would you rather die first or me die first?
115. When did you know we were going to make it?
116. If we could retire anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?
117. What’s the one thing you want our grandkids to remember about us?
118. If you had to spend the rest of your life locked in this room with me, what would be the hardest part?
119. What are three things that you love about our relationship?
120. What was it about me that was different than your previous partners?
121. How do you feel our love has changed since we first got serious?
122. When we are old and gray, do you want to go live in a supported facility, or would you rather stay here at home and bring in help?
123. If our kids could describe our relationship to someone, what do you think they would say?
124. Do you think we are good parents? What could we be doing better?
125. What is the most important thing you want to teach our children?
126. If money was no option, what would be our next date night?
127. If you could go back in time, would you change anything about our past together?
128. What’s your favorite thing that I cook?
129. What’s one small thing I could do to make life easier for you?
130. What is the one thing that concerns you about our future?
Sexy Conversation Starters for Couples
It’s time to get down to business and cover all those raunchy and embarrassing sex questions. When, where, and how you have the sex talks will depend on your individual personalities. Make sure your partner is willing to go there! These conversations can be serious ones, or they can be kept super light and funny. Follow your intuition and what you know about your significant other to guide the conversation. Everyone wants a healthy sexual relationship with their partner, and oftentimes, the only thing standing in the way of that is a little conversation.
131. What’s your favorite thing that I do in bed?
132. What is your favorite way to have sex?
133. What’s one thing I could start doing in the bedroom that you would love?
134. What is your idea of the perfect romantic evening?
135. What’s the one sex act you have never tried that you want to?
136. What non-bedroom things drive you crazy sexually?
137. What do you think about incorporating food items?
138. How do you feel about sex toys?
139. Are you into role-playing?
140. What’s an absolute deal-breaker in the bedroom, like nope, not going there?
141. Is sexual intimacy hard or easy for you?
142. Is answering these questions uncomfortable for you?
143. What do you think is the hardest part of sexual intimacy?
144. What part of my body do you love the most?
145. What part of your own body do you find the sexiest?
146. What is something you desire sexually that you have never told me?
147. If we could have sex anywhere, where would you want it to be?
148. Do you prefer sex in the morning or at night?
150. Do you like spontaneous sex or planned-out evenings with lingerie, wine, and plenty of foreplay?
151. What’s your favorite foreplay activity?
152. Is there anything I do in bed that you don’t like?
153. Where is your favorite spot to be kissed?
154. How do you feel about birth control?
155. How many partners have you had?
156. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you during a sexual escapade?
157. Have you ever had really bad sex? What happened?
158. Is there a sexual position that you just do not like?
159. Has anyone ever hurt you sexually?
160. How do you feel about being tied up?
161. Is there a specific costume or lingerie you would like to see me more in?
162. What’s the wildest place you have ever done it?
163. What’s the hottest memory you have of us?
164. Do you ever have a recurrent sexual dream? What is it?
165. What is a superordinary thing that turns you on?
How to Use Conversation Starters
Okay, so how does all this go down? Do you just randomly bombard your partner with out-of-the-blue questions? We don’t suggest that you do that. You never know where your significant other is in their headspace, and blurting out deep hypothetical questions on your road trip to work, while they are stressed about today’s events is not a good idea. You will not get the reaction you hoped for. So, for this activity to work, you need to set up the scenario.
1. Talk to your partner about conversation starters and how to institute them.
We suggest that you guys take on this adventure together. One of you makes the suggestion, then you can figure out together how you would like to incorporate them into your relationship. Perhaps, you do one question at night before bed and that becomes your conversation time. Maybe, you keep them in your car and talk about one on your way home from work each day if you carpool together. If every day is too much for you, then maybe you incorporate a question on your date nights. There is no right or wrong way to play, as long as you both agree on it.
Remember, this activity is meant to help deepen conversation and bonds. It’s not to stress either of you out or add anxiety to your routine. Make sure both of you are on the same page about when and where to have these convos.
2. Alternate picking questions.
A conversation should always be a two-way street. Alternate which partner picks the questions and answers first so that one person is not always the guinea pig. If your partner pulls “I don’t know, what do you think,” that’s a rule breaker. How you want to deal with rule-breakers is up to you. Sometimes, they don’t have an answer and that’s cool, but for the most part, this phrase is a cop-out. So, encourage them to try to answer. If they just aren’t in the mood, then try again later, and let it go for now. Or, pick a different question. Don’t push too hard.
3. Organize your question bank.
We have organized this article by levels of intimacy in a relationship, but that’s not the only way to do it. Find your favorite conversation starters from this list or others, and separate them into categories. Have a hypothetical list, a funny list, a sexual list, and a deep date night list. That way, if you or your partner are just not feeling the hour-long intellectual today, you can talk about funny fart stories instead.
4. Be patient and respectful.
As stated before, some of these questions have the potential to be real explosions! The aim is to deepen your relationship, not destroy it. Therefore, ask all questions with an open mind, and don’t assume you know the answer. Dreaming up a gushing and intimate answer that you just know your partner is going to give is a surefire way to jump right off the cliff of disappointment. You asked the question, and if you want to better your relationship, buck up buttercup, and be ready for the real truth.
Don’t go too deep too quick. Make sure you know your partner pretty well and have dealt with some stuff before you go barreling into their deepest insecurities or worst pains. There needs to be some trust built there first. There may be places that they are never willing to go, and that’s something you’re going to have to be okay with. Not everyone is an open book, and some places are covered or forgotten for a reason that doesn’t need dredging up. It might hurt you that they can’t or won’t open up about a particular topic, but that’s their choice, and you need to be respectful of it.
5. Answer truthfully, but with grace and love.
On the other side of this coin, try to answer your partner’s questions respectfully. If the question is difficult, think about your words before you blurt them out. You want to answer the question honestly, but there is no need to add unnecessary hurtful words. Stick to the question and don’t go veering off into deep left field. If they ask for one thing they can do to make you happier in your relationship. Give them one, not ten. Try to focus on what they can do better and not all the things they are doing wrong. In general, phrase your answers, when possible, in a positive manner.
Some of you may think this is a great idea, and you’re excited to start now! Others may be thinking this is dumb and completely unnecessary, but whichever side of the road you’re on, give it a try! See what comes of trying to incorporate a few of these questions into your week. You might surprise yourself with how much you learn, and how it changes your relationship.
Is this something you already incorporate, or is it a new concept? Let us know in the comments.
Need more inspiration? Take a look at these couples quizzes you can take together, or try activities that can strengthen your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Conversation starters are talking points that you can use to help guide meaningful conversations. They help people get to know each other and can improve discussions at any time in a relationship.
Some of the best conversation starters are funny and quirky. These types of talking points can lighten the mood, even though the answers can be very telling!
Conversation tends to get stale when you’re in a long relationship. Adventures From Scratch can help! This interactive book includes 50+ activities, conversation starters, and more!