What\u2019s the hardest job in the world? Depending on who you ask, you might be told it\u2019s being an Alaskan crab fisherman, a firefighter, a teacher, or the President of the United States. While there\u2019s no doubt the paid jobs just mentioned are challenging and even dangerous, there\u2019s an unpaid position that\u2019s at least equally so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is that oft-thankless position? Being a mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whether you poll a room full of new moms or you survey women who\u2019ve already raised at least one adult child, many women will tell you that motherhood is challenging on the best of days. It\u2019s not just being responsible for another life that makes motherhood so difficult. Maintaining their mental health while keeping their kids safe and well and managing a household makes being a mom that much harder, and doing it all can result in mom guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If the weekend’s coming up and you’re not sure what you and the family could do for some shared fun, why not have an adventure\u2014from scratch? Adventures From Scratch: Family Edition<\/em><\/a> <\/em>is packed with over 50 creative activities. Let the kiddos have fun scratching off challenges so you can enjoy new experiences and bond while conquering challenges together!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Despite its name, mom guilt involves two feelings, guilt and shame. A mother might feel guilty about her behavior. Too often, that guilty feeling results in the mom feeling shame about herself. The two feelings combine into a harsh judgment of self, a condemnation that only gets worse when the mother compares herself to other moms and feels as if she comes up short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While mom guilt is crushing enough, working women sometimes suffer from working mom guilt, which often involves self-judgment for having abandoned their kids when the mothers go to work each day. When these harsh judgments persist long enough, they morph from fleeting thoughts into long-standing beliefs that can prove harmful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Although moms are significantly more likely to experience guilt and shame given societal expectations and stereotypes, it\u2019s worth noting that dads and other childcare givers can suffer from similar guilty feelings during parenthood. Whether you\u2019re a mother, father, or another caregiver, it\u2019s important to recognize the onset of feelings of mom guilt so you can do something about them before they solidify into firm, wildly inaccurate beliefs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mommy guilt and the feelings that result from it can manifest in several ways. Here are some of them:<\/p>\n\n\n\n While at least one out every seven new moms experience postpartum depression, experiencing mom guilt is a more common problem, and it\u2019s one that doesn\u2019t resolve itself as a new baby grows and ages. Certain things inspire feelings of guilt among caregiving grown-ups often, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether you\u2019re a working mom or a full-time stay-at-home mom who\u2019s ardently opposed to putting your kids in daycare, you may struggle to manage your mommy guilt from time to time at least. Luckily, there are a few simple, actionable tips you can employ to handle your guilt and shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re like a lot of mothers, you are your worse critic. When your inner critical voice is giving you grief for not being the perfect mom and you experience guilt and shame as a result, catch yourself, take a deep breath or two (more, if needed), and let your feelings of vulnerability rise to the surface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do your feelings cause discomfort in certain parts of your body? If so, try to relax those areas or massage them lightly. As you soothe your physical aches and pains, acknowledge your feelings, accept them, and respond to them with love, kindness, and forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you forgive yourself, you may find that you get emotional. You may even start to tear up and cry. Know that reaction is normal and natural and enjoy the cathartic experience as you release your shame and guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you believe in the paranormal? Whether you do or not, you may have heard accounts of people battling unnamed forces as they attempt to settle into a new home. Just like it must be frustrating to defend a home against unnamed forces, it can be overwhelming to take a stand against emotions that don\u2019t have a name beyond a descriptor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With that in mind, you may want to give your critical inner voice a name. Like it or not, that voice is part of you, and it lives within your very being. Giving the voice a name can help you combat its negative influence. After you name your critical inner voice, you\u2019ll battle a known presence instead of a thing that\u2019s intimate yet unfamiliar. In other words, you\u2019ll make the fight for your well-being personal and, just as importantly, winnable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not realistic for you to expect to be able to care for your children if you don\u2019t care for yourself first. While tending to your kids is undoubtedly important, showing yourself some TLC is even more so. It\u2019s only by taking care of yourself that you\u2019ll be able to fully be \u201cthere\u201d for your children and the other people in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How can you make self-care a priority? Here are some ideas:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if you think there isn\u2019t enough time in a day, week, month, or year for you to schedule some \u201cme time,\u201d you need to do it. That time will allow you to recharge and prepare for all the challenges that lay ahead. If you don\u2019t prioritize time to recover from daily life, it\u2019s not a matter of if you\u2019ll experience burnout, it\u2019s a matter of when you will grapple with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too often, parents lose themselves as they care for their children, family, and household. When you factor working, maintaining friends, and adult life in general into the mix, the tendency to lose your identity becomes even stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, you agreed to share your life when you decided to have children. But that doesn\u2019t mean you should give up your individual identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like you need to prioritize caring for yourself, you should put doing things you genuinely enjoy, things that make you uniquely you, at the top of your ever-growing to-do list. Doing so will not only help you now, it will benefit you as your kids grow and rely on you less. Keeping up with your hobbies and personal interests lessens the likelihood that you\u2019ll experience the melancholy that often accompanies empty nesters because you\u2019ll have activities that will fill the void left behind by your adult children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you least expect it, you may look back and realize that it\u2019s been weeks since you last inserted a straw into a juice box. Then, you may think it\u2019s likely you\u2019ll never have to do so again given your children\u2019s advanced ages. Will that realization make you happy, proud, or sad? Or will it cause you to experience a mix of emotions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n In either case, the key is to address those moments and your children\u2019s inevitable outbursts one at a time as you experience them. When your child has a tantrum, it\u2019s not the time to reflect upon his potty-training years or the last time he played with Johnny down the street. Instead, it\u2019s time to address his current reaction to whatever set him off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Similarly, when you reach a milestone like having inserted the last straw into a juice box, it\u2019s not time to remember all the times you\u2019ve set your kids up to enjoy a beverage. Instead, it\u2019s time to recognize the significance of the occasion and move onward, upward, and above all forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember, life is like an ongoing movie. While that\u2019s the case, every movie is a compilation of individual scenes. You need to appreciate each scene for what it is as the camera continues to roll to capture your entire life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Although it can be hard to think of anything to be grateful for during a pandemic, it\u2019s still possible to be thankful for even the littlest of things. Even though caregiving is fraught with challenges on a good day, raising children is still a rewarding experience for which you should be grateful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the end of each day, take time to reduce your guilt and shame by reflecting on instances you\u2019re grateful for. Whether your kid grabbed your hand for no reason or you had your nails done, be grateful for the things that made you happy and content throughout the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Being mindful and keenly aware of special moments can make being a parent less burdensome and significantly more enjoyable. When you have reasons to be grateful on a daily basis, they make the stressors of daily parenting life all seem worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The things you\u2019re grateful for are likely the same things that make you smile. What better way is there to combat guilt and shame than with a broad grin on your face?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your goal is to be a better mom, dad, or caregiver, you need to do one simple thing. That task is to recognize that there is no such thing as a parenting playbook. No child, adult, or parent-child relationship is the same. If you have multiple children, all you have to do is think about your kids\u2019 varying personalities and your relationships with each child to know that\u2019s the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Given the differences between people and relationships, it\u2019s understandable why parenting in one house may vary greatly from how kids are raised in a neighboring home. Tactics that may work in your friend\u2019s home might not work in your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While it\u2019s great to read books about parenting and child-rearing, it doesn\u2019t mean the material you consume is relevant to your family. And you know what? That\u2019s nothing to feel guilty about. It just means you need to find out what will work in your household without feeling bad about a cookie-cutter solution not being the appropriate tact for you or your family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Keep in mind, you\u2019re not the coach of a professional sports team that has a scripted playbook. You are the captain of your family, however. As the captain, you\u2019ll have to improvise, create, and adapt on the fly to suit the needs of your family without self-flagellating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Women who suffer from working mom guilt may find they spend their workday listening to damning statements emanating from their critical inner voices. If you\u2019re one of those moms, you need to change that narrative right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of thinking, \u201cI\u2019m a bad mom because I\u2019m working and my kid is at daycare,\u201d tell yourself, \u201cI\u2019m doing the right thing as a working mom by making sure my child is well cared for during the day.\u201d The key is to focus on what you\u2019re contributing to your family instead of thinking about not spending time with your children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s no doubt that mom guilt drives a lot of what your critical inner voice has to say. That said, your inner voice is just that, yours to control within reason. You can acknowledge what that negative voice has to say, but you don\u2019t have to accept it as the truth. By rephrasing the negative things your critical inner voice has to say in a positive, complimentary way, you can reduce the guilt and shame you feel as a parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, running errands, working full-time, walking the dog, and, then there\u2019s this \u2013 caring for the kids \u2013 is a lot for one person to do. If you feel overwhelmed and that feeling is fueling even a small part of your mom guilt, you may want to consider hiring someone to help you out around the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if you just hire someone to do some light housekeeping, it can help you carve out some much-needed downtime or it can free up precious moments you can spend playing with your kids. In either case, you\u2019ll also benefit from adult conversation if you hire a helping hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a parent, it can be easy to fall into a rut. When every day seems just like the last, it can worsen your mom guilt. To prevent that from happening, we suggest making the most of the time you get to spend with your family. Go on adventures, explore the world around you, and discover new things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our interactive family adventure book<\/a> includes more than 50 adventures you can do with your loved ones. As your family unit tries to tackle a scratch-off challenge, you\u2019ll work together, laugh, and make lasting memories. With so many adventures in just one book, you won\u2019t have to worry about the next challenge being the same as the last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just like it\u2019s possible for a family life that\u2019s reminiscent of the movie \u201cGroundhog Day\u201d to make your mom guilt worse, a stale relationship with your significant other can do the same. We recommend shaking things up with our \u201cAdventures from Scratch: Couples Adventure Book.\u201d This book includes 55+ adventures you and your partner can tackle together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While some adventures make for a great date night, others are even more romantic in nature. No matter what type of challenge you choose, you\u2019ll feel closer than ever to your significant other when you complete your chosen challenge. That feeling of closeness can help you silence your critical inner voice and put your mom guilt to bed at least temporarily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you don\u2019t have an inner circle of friends and family members you can rely on to find relief from your mom guilt, you may want to turn to the internet for help. Parenting websites like mothering.com have active forums where parents discuss all sorts of topics and lend valuable support to one another, and those websites can help you combat your guilt and shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, it is possible for other parents to make the mom guilt<\/a> you feel worse. At the end of the day, you know what\u2019s best for your family, so don\u2019t let others make you second guess your decisions.<\/p> <\/div> The most important thing you can do to address mom guilt<\/a> is to change your critical inner voice\u2019s messaging. You should also practice self-care and make the most of family time.<\/p> <\/div>
\n\n\n\nAn Explanation of Mom Guilt<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How Mom Guilt Manifests Itself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Common Reasons Caregivers Experience Guilt<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Tips to Handle the Guilt and Shame That Often Accompany Being a Mommy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Give Your Critical Inner Voice a Name<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Prioritize Self-Care<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Maintain Your Identity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Address One Outburst at a Time<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Alleviate Mom Guilt with Gratitude<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Recognize That There Is No Playbook<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Change the Narrative<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Hire an Extra Set of Hands<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Make the Most of Quality Time<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Get the \u201cAdventures from Scratch: Couples Adventure Book\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Turn to Screen Time for Relief<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nFrequently Asked Questions<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n